I kept seeing this book pop up on my feeds. There were many discussions and controversy about it that it piqued my interest even more.

I like the premise of the power of education to empower a person, and Tara’s life being the empirical proof of it.

I was only weary about reading it because of the abuse element but when a friend (Thank you Michelle) offered to borrow it to me I couldn’t refuse and now I can form my own opinion.

Tara’s father is so ridiculous that it’s funny till I remember it’s actually horrific. I guess we can always find humour in any situation. There are surprisingly many twisted comedic scenes in this book. It’s interesting how many people put up with his madness- kindly even. How many families are tormented by undiagnosed and untreated mental illness. Tara’s father was crazy but so loving and worked hard for his family.

I googled raccoon eyes and what a terrifying image. I can’t comprehend that someone would go through that and not consult a medical professional.

If I say Tara’s life is crazy; she could equally say the same to me. How we’re raised becomes our norm and is hard to come out from because it’s all we know. It’s so deeply ingrained and becomes our truth and the typical person won’t deviate from it.

 “In that moment I hated him, and I wanted to scream it in his face.. Even then I understood the truth of it: that Shawn hated himself far more than I ever could.”

Nobody is entirely bad. I have compassion for Gene and Shawn even though they’re actions are inexcusable.

Tara’s grandmother and brother believed in her and wanted her to take the step to change her life. She had to make the decision and she did so when she was ready. People helped her along her journey by way of opportunity, kindness and inclusion.

Tara’s unusual upbringing actually allowed her to learn many skills and grow up in a way we in the “system” can’t. She learned through a form of self-led homeschooling. She learned scrapping, midwifery, herbalism, dancing, acting, singing, cooking, breaking horses, taking care of the animals, bookkeeping, construction…

“Mother stopped crying. She was embarrassed. Tyler was an outsider now. He’d been gone for so long, he’d been shifted to that category of people who we kept secrets from. Who we kept this from.”

This quote stood out to me. About how shame and secrets keep us from being authentic in the relationships we crave and need.

This is a book to be read more than once because some things you can only understand the second time you read it and others the third and… There is a lot to unpack in it from a psychological standpoint. Even the characters are to this day conflicted over it, their memories, their interpretation of their memories, their beliefs and each other.

Interesting, shocking and perplexing read. 

7/10