It’s interesting to learn more about psychology. That’s the same comment I had about the book The Silent Patient even though it’s a completely different genre- psychological thriller, fiction. Both books touched on countertransference. and projective identification.

I get so elated when Lori makes reference to topics I’ve studied in my psychology modules. Makes me feel we’re on the same page and I might be taking a break from formal education but life is sorting out my informal education.

I can’t explain it as well as Lori so you need to read for yourself where she talks about relationships and having a ‘type’. “but the unconscious has a finely tuned radar system inaccessible to the conscious mind”
If you work through your feelings your type will change.

I think therapy is so important and beneficial but I know not everyone has access, courage or interest to go. This book is therapeutic in a sense if you take the time to reflect and think about your own life, people in your own life and situations. This book is helping me to analyse myself and others and be more compassionate. 

I like that she became a therapist after trying two other careers. It gives me hope for my future and my winding route.

Therapists are also human – they have problems in their lives and with their children.
They also have their struggles. They don’t have the answers. They hold your hand through the process- let you have a connection with someone. You have all the answers. You are the expert on you.

Reading is an activity that really gets you to focus on one thing at a time which magically brings to mind every other thing to do with what you’re reading. An example is this book talks about creativity and so does The Artist’s Way. Even videos I’ve been watching seem to unintentionally revolve around this topic of creativity. I’ve been blogging and that is a channel that allows me to express myself. 

I’m learning so many words- binary, perseverating, kismet, vasculitis, non sequitur, rapprochement, maladorous.. surprisingly googling all these new terms isn’t annoying but tons more interesting.

Lori is obviously an excellent and experienced writer. Her word choice and storytelling ability is almost rhythmic or hypnotic like a choir master. My mind and emotions were  ebbing and flowing as she directed. Lori has had so many wonderful experiences, many of us can only dream of. 
Her dream and determination are inspiring. She shares solid wisdom from her experience.

At first the book was amazing but a third of the way I started to get bored. I usually read fiction so it makes sense that I would struggle through some parts. This is a book not to be rushed but mulled over. Kinda therapeutic. Gives insight. There are no exercises in the book but you do need to take time to reflect and apply some of the content in bettering your life and relationships.

Here are many quotes from the book that I didn’t want to forget:

“Nothing is more desirable than to be released from an affliction, but nothing is more frightening than to be divested of a crutch.” —James Baldwin
“We can’t have change without loss, which is why so often people say they want change but nonetheless stay exactly the same.”

Flannery O’Connor quote: “The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it.”

“People want to be understood and to understand, but for most of us, our biggest problem is that we don’t know what our problem is. We keep stepping in the same puddle. Why do I do the very thing that will guarantee my own unhappiness over and over again?”
“Anger is the go-to feeling for most people because it’s outward-directed—angrily blaming others can feel deliciously sanctimonious. But often it’s only the tip of the iceberg, and if you look beneath the surface, you’ll glimpse submerged feelings you either weren’t aware of or didn’t want to show: fear, helplessness, envy, loneliness, insecurity. And if you can tolerate these deeper feelings long enough to understand them and listen to what they’re telling you, you’ll not only manage your anger in more productive ways, you also won’t be so angry all the time.”
“We feel completely stuck, trapped in our emotional cells, but there’s a way out—as long as we’re willing to see it.”You are your own jailer.

Follow your envy—it shows you what you want.

“Avoidance is a simple way of coping by not having to cope.”

“We can’t convince people not to be self-destructive, because for now, the self-destruction serves them.”

We may want others’ forgiveness, but that comes from a place of self-gratification; we are asking forgiveness of others to avoid the harder work of forgiving ourselves.”

“There’s no hierarchy of pain. Suffering shouldn’t be ranked, because pain is not a contest.”
“It wasn’t their judgment she was hearing—it was her own.”

To be honest this book was hard to finish. It was too long. I forced myself though because I didn’t want to lose out on any wisdom. I think another round of editing would have done it good.
Informative. It’s a rare and special experience to be the fly on the wall.

I still want to be the fly on the wall on Esther Perel’s podcast of real-life couple’s therapy sessions.
7/10